Living as an exile

Today is Singapore's birthday. It is only after leaving Singapore that I've learn how over the top and unique Singapore is when it comes to National Day, that she has a new birthday song every single year. Growing up, one of my dreams was to be part of the National Day Parade and wave the Singapore flag with pride. That to me was a normal behavior that one should have towards his country... until I left. 

While Americans also have a ginormous pride in their country - all the red white and blue stuff that fill all the aisles at Target after the graduation season is over and all the fireworks booths that dots the city throughout June. However, it is a day more for Americans to fire up their backyard grill than to really celebrate the country's birth. 

Then I moved to Taiwan, where I've learned that Taiwanese are proud of Taiwan for their ability (freedom) to mock and criticize the government. My incessant pride for Singapore is met with ??? (pikachu face) from my Taiwanese wife who grew up being brainwashed by KMT education. 

Now, as I approach my late 30s, having been a history teacher for more than a decade, nationalism has somehow become a red flag at the back of my mind... too many times in history, have people overplayed nationalism and use it to do evil things/horrible decisions... see the entire period of Imperialism, WWI, WWII, Trump era, China under CCP. While I have a generally negative view of nationalism today, deep down, because of how I was raised (brainwashed) as a Singaporean, those tear-jerking, people uniting, chest pounding NDP songs never ceased to bring some "nationalism chills" to me albeit being an exile for the past 23 years. 

23 years and counting... I'm still waiting to go back to see my friends, visit the places that I frequent as a kid, taste the food I grew up loving, or like Mr Sim my middle school homeroom teacher had mentioned in a Chinese class essay of a man returning home after being away for a long time, to pick up the dirt from the grow and smell it. I couldn't understand it, but I can now. The day might never come, but one can only dream. 

HBD Singapore